BROOD

The day that I have been waiting for has arrived: someone has finally searched for the key words “Sarah Aswell Nude Pics.” And Ben says it wasn’t him. I’m just so proud, so flattered, so thankful — in fact, I’d like to take a moment to thank my family, my friends, my loved ones, my hott bod, and Jesus Christ.

Because you know what? I think there’s a big market for nude pictures of someone with an overbite who spends most of her time complaining about things. You know, like me and like that girl from High School Musical.

In any case, I hate to keep a crowd waiting. Here’s a picture of me wearing nothing but pearls… and a diaper… circa 1981. Look at those come-hither eyes.