I saw my first beaver last week. I was walking over a small bridge into town, and there it was, hanging out in the river. I guess this is one of the small differences between New York City and Montana - more diverse rodent sightings.
It was HUGE. Nothing that I had learned about beavers when I was growing up ever led me to believe that when I was 27 I would be faced with a four-foot long, 60-pound, very, very serious looking beaver. In fact, popular images of the beaver (see right) led me to believe that beavers were maybe a foot tall, extremely goofy, and possibly high on drugs.
The beaver that I saw meant serious business. In fact, when I first spotted it, I assumed it was a baby black bear before his tail came out of the water. It did not have buggy crossed eyes. It was not up to any antics. It was not cheering on a local sports team. It was in Nature, Surviving Majestically.
After I did some reading on beavers when I got home (I suggest typing in “North American Beaver” instead of “Enormous Wet Beaver”) and found that they are, indeed, serious, hardworking animals and not silly at all. They are the second largest rodent in the world. They can change the flow of entire rivers (in fact, the second largest beaver dam is located in Montana and at 2,140 feet long and 14 feet high, it can be seen by freaking satellite). They carry entire logs in their teeth and then pack mud and rocks into the crevices with their forepaws. They defend their dams and lodges with vigor. (Down below is a REAL beaver, much like the one I saw. Although this one may or may not be dead.)
So what’s with all of the lame beaver press that paints them as small and wacky instead of smart and majestic and maybe a little intimidating? Is it kind of like artificially fruit-flavored candy that doesn’t taste like the real fruit but is weirdly consistent in taste with other artificially fruit-flavored candy? Is the beaver the blue raspberry of the animal kingdom? Was I the only person on earth who didn’t know the truth about beavers?
I feel like running some sort of public awareness campaign for them that reveals their true size and disposition: Hardworking. Dedicated. Enormous. Sober.
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July 29, 2008 at 7:22 pm
mercury727
“I suggest typing in “North American Beaver” instead of “Enormous Wet Beaver””
Dammit I nearly choked on my milkshake laughing reading that
July 30, 2008 at 5:23 am
Kemo
e-n-o-r-m-o-u-s w-e-t b-e-a-v-e-r [enter]
WOW! thanks!!!
sheeeeeeee’s back!!!!
July 30, 2008 at 6:51 am
Jason Michael MacLeod
I’m not quite sure how you managed this but if you google “enormous wet beaver” the number one hit on google right now
(out of 75,300 results) is THIS blog entry.
That oughta drum up some interesting readership.
July 30, 2008 at 8:27 am
emily
Thank you for giving me a topic to bring up when I go to our local watering hole, The Thirsty Beaver. Probably another thing you shouldn’t Google.
so glad you’re back!
July 30, 2008 at 8:56 am
April
Do people actually eat beavers?
I’m definitely not Googleing to find the answer.
July 30, 2008 at 9:26 am
Stacey
As a member of the MIT community (read: beaver mascot lovers), I was aware of some of the more positive aspects of the ‘noble beaver’. Still, there are limits to any mascot. For some reason, I think the football team is still the ‘beavers’, but other teams are the ‘engineers’?
July 30, 2008 at 10:01 am
Fred
They are the civil engineers of the animal kingdom.
July 30, 2008 at 10:05 am
Liana
I had no idea beavers in the wild could be that enormous!
And, SO glad you’re back to updating! Yay!
July 30, 2008 at 10:08 am
Adrienne
also, beavers actually *eat wood.* I didn’t mean that as yet another overly-visual anatomy joke, but it’s the actual truth! they fell trees, store them in their underground river “refrigerators,” and actually get nutriments from wood.
thank you, david attenborough! somehow it didn’t sound dirty when he said it.
July 30, 2008 at 10:37 am
Jan
I’m even afraid to Google “North American Beaver”. I’ll just take your word for it.
Welcome Back!
Jan
July 30, 2008 at 1:10 pm
bpd
I just can’t even comment. There’s just nowhere to start and nowhere to finish.
Welcome back.
(Vulva.)
July 30, 2008 at 3:21 pm
joe
I once came into close contact with a beaver on a fishing trip in Wisconsin and I have to agree that they are all business and not cuddly, friendly or comical in the least.
I accidentally cornered one at the end of a spillway where I had placed a crawfish trap, which it was raiding for a late-night feast. Imagine being face to face with a dog-sized rodent baring two-inch incisors and hissing while YOU are the obstacle preventing its escape from a 20 foot long, six foot tall concrete pipe.
Christ on a cracker, I thought I was going to pee my waders! I flattened against the wall like paper and it scooted past me to freedom. Those mothers can move.
Hmmm - there’s a Thirsty Beaver where I live as well - coincidence?
July 30, 2008 at 3:32 pm
joe
And I have to digress and just wonder why and how the prized female place we men leave once and spend the rest of our lives trying to get back into could ever possibly be confused with this terrifying woodland predator?
Is it the thick brown coat? Is that the best explanation?
If I ever see a hoochie that looks anything like that, I’ll be reaching for a weed-whacker, not a sex toy.
July 31, 2008 at 8:01 am
dmw
I’m ashamed of myself. In fact I cannot even believe that I’m sharing this. The “enormous” comment definitely made me chuckle, but Joe’s “Christ on a cracker” (God forgive me) blew me over. That’s a new one for me. I have an appointment with the priest–have to go! Oh, Sarah, nice to hear from you.