My friend Nora Rocket brought the following article from Philadelphia Magazine to my attention: Pretty Babies by Carrie Denny - a report on a new trend that is honestly terrifying to me. Like, worse than puppy mills.
The article focuses on the new phenomenon of pre-pubescent girls - some as young as eight - showing up with their moms at the spa for treatments ranging from manicures to eyebrow plucking to Botox treatments to dye jobs to bikini waxes. These girls may never see their awkward stage, may never understand that not being perfect is okay, and may never feel comfortable in their bodies unless they are tanned, waxed, and made up.
Now, I don’t want to sound like a grandmother here, inching along in her walker and commenting on kids these days, but I’m pretty sure this is a serious problem for women. I’m not going to quote from the article - it’s too quotable for that - but you should read it, especially if you have kids or are even considering reproducing.
I’ve seen the same types of things in New York, which is probably the world’s motherhive of utterly ridiculous consumerist culture. Just last weekend, as Ben and I were eating at a restaurant, a girl at the table next to us threw a temper tantrum about getting her “mani and pedi.” I’m guessing this girl was seven. And although I know I’m not supposed to judge people or tell people how to raise their kids, but that ain’t right. At seven, your kids should only be throwing temper tantrums for popsicles.
I’m not sure what is worse about the scenario: the fact that these girls are learning to be utterly self-involved and self-conscious or that these treatments are so out-of-this-world expensive that they are learning pampered lifestyles that they won’t be able to support if mom and dad ever disappear. We might be raising a generation of girls that will continue to be dependent on their parents far after they should be and perhaps until they can find another viable source of income to pay for their spray-on tans.
Of course, I’m not exactly a poster child for “taking care of myself.” I don’t wax or pluck or dye, but on the other hand, I don’t brush my hair or require a bra. I might do more if I had the cash, but I’m guessing I wouldn’t do much. I think my awkward phase was an important if not pleasant time in my life when I learned that you should work on being things other than pretty, because pretty doesn’t always show up when you need it. And I think that altering our bodies to look like an airbrushed magazine covergirl and consuming expensive things as a major facet of entertainment in our lives is a slippery slope of emotional and financial troubles that won’t disappear with an hour-long massage.
I know these are old ideas and I know I’m preaching to the choir, but damn. What is even the point of giving an eight year old a bikini wax? The only thing that will accomplish is fucking that girl up for life.
Here’s what I hope: I hope that like all the generations that have come before us, these girls will rebel when they hit 18. That they might realize that looking natural and aging naturally is pretty great (and easy) and that there are scientific and evolutionary reasons that we have hair where we do. They might also realize that they are drowning in spa bills and wasting hours a week on the state of their blonde highlights. They might run rampant in the streets with no eyeliner and no bras, without blow-drying their hair or pumicing their feet, like a new generation of hippies.
And their mothers, who tried so hard to train them to be beautiful, will be horrified - only no one will be able to tell from their faces because of the Botox treatments.
21 comments
Comments feed for this article
Trackback link
http://sarahaswell.com/2008/04/15/link-pretty-babies-by-carrie-denny/trackback/
April 15, 2008 at 9:51 pm
dmw
Grandmothers who have reared their daughters to strive for the beauty that they felt they never had and mothers who couldn’t live up to those expectations–this is nothing new–it began long ago. Fortunately I can’t afford the things I think I need to make me beautiful and my daughter, who is beautiful without those things thinks I am too. There’s hope.
I remember 8 and THERE WAS NOTHING TO WAX!!!!! What are they feeding these babies?
April 15, 2008 at 11:36 pm
Courtney
Hear, hear!
I know adult women who spend hours grooming every day. One of them goes to my gym. She’s usually getting out of the shower when I change in to my gym clothes, and applying make up an hour later when I get done. More power to her and all other high-maintenance women if it makes them happy, but I have better things to do with my life. Like write, learn, work, cook, eat, contribute to meaningful causes, party, build my career and play minesweeper on my computer.
April 16, 2008 at 7:55 am
sarah
my dad just sent me this article from the new york times, also about the trend:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/03/fashion/03SKIN.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&emc=eta1
courtney - yeah, i think part of it is women teaching their daughters their own bad habits and insecurities. what a waste of time and money. …like when people ask how i have time to go to the gym every day… um, i don’t put on makeup or blow dry?
April 16, 2008 at 9:24 am
Natalia
I think this is disgusting. I’d say that the world has gone to shit, but there’s a small part of me still holding on to hope.
I love your point about how the awkward stage is pretty much essential. It’s sickening to think that some women really believe they can slide by on “pretty” - and they’re raising a generation of girls to believe the same thing.
April 16, 2008 at 10:46 am
TIC
When Americans start caring more about bikini waxing
8-year old children and wierdo moms than actual humans (see Darfur, Tibet, etc), you know there is something majorly wrong. While the article did highlight the plight of prepubescent young girls, what about the actual human beings that are dying of starvation and conflict all over the world - does this “pretty baby” problem not pale in significance to that???
April 16, 2008 at 12:13 pm
April
The pretty babies aren’t pale!
Did you even read the entire post, TIC?
April 16, 2008 at 2:39 pm
TIC
April - I read it, every word.
Shhhh. Don’t tell anyone but I am just poking a little fun. Check above your first ‘puppy mill’ post.
T_ongue I_n C_ heek
Hey, your that strangely exotic, freaky erotic, hot woman-child, bete noire, sans Rx!
April 16, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Liana
I wear a bra but no eyeliner (or ANY makeup besides occasional cover-up), don’t pumice my feet or get my hair done professionally…and I’m happy with that!
“I think my awkward phase was an important if not pleasant time in my life when I learned that you should work on being things other than pretty, because pretty doesn’t always show up when you need it.”
–Perfectly said!!
And I love how you showed that both money AND time are wasted in the pursuit of unnatural “beauty.”
I’m glad to be a part of the group of women (however small that group might be!) that is low maintenance.
April 16, 2008 at 4:06 pm
onesouthernmomma
I’m terrified of what will be “the norm” that my now 3 year old will be faced with when she’s a “tween”. Pretty can only get you so far, and generally, that’s not a place that I want to be. It’s my job as a parent to build confidence and self esteem in my daughter (and son for that matter) based on who they are, not what they look like. If only more parents out there realized the things that really matter in life, maybe we would start to see real changes in our society.
April 16, 2008 at 6:16 pm
sarah
TIC - wrong April! This is a solely internet-based friend.
April - this might be the awkward moment to admit to you that I know more than one April. Please don’t be mad!
April 17, 2008 at 3:12 am
Kitty
One of my teenaged daughters and her friend came over one day begging for cash to have their nails done.
I told them they were missing out on all the fun of being girlfriends and doing each others’ nails.
Then I told them about all the creepy crawlies at those nail salons and scared them off those places for life.
April 17, 2008 at 7:43 am
April
I’m changing my name to November.
No, I’m changing my name to Turkey.
April 17, 2008 at 2:15 pm
emily
I hope the other April takes whatever comments TIC/Kemo is making about her as a compliment or inside joke that’s actually funny, because otherwise that’s a just plain shitty way to greet someone - proper grammar or not.
April 17, 2008 at 2:25 pm
sarah
emily - no worries, the TIC/Kemo character is my dad’s wacky alter-ego, and the other april is an old friend. as for the bad grammar, it is a homage to my korean grandmother. inside jokes abound in this comment string, for sure.
ah, family.
kitty - i really like your approach: it’s totally okay to be girly, but why not save some money and spend quality time with your friends while you’re at it? although i don’t mind nail polish, i do mind a strange painting my hands.
onesouthernmamma - sometimes being a little terrified is good. and from what i read, your kids should be more than fine.
April 17, 2008 at 2:33 pm
emily
OK! sorry to act like the Internet Etiquette Police!
April 17, 2008 at 2:51 pm
sarah
no problem emily - “kemo” loves to cause trouble.
April 17, 2008 at 3:00 pm
November
Hahaha!
Oh no, for the record I didn’t take offense to dad’s comments.
This is all pretty hilarious.
April 17, 2008 at 4:51 pm
onesouthernmomma
This string of comments makes so much more sense now that I’ve gone back and read all the comments on “puppy mills”.
I do, however, have a hard time believing that Kemo/TIC would ever want to cause trouble. From my experience, that’s just not his style.
April 18, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Arlene
This reminds of some pictures that came out a few months ago of Madonna and her 12-year-old daughter. The daughter had a pretty apparent unibrow, and there were several nasty comments made about it in blogs and forums all over the internet. I made me wonder what would do more lasting damage: actually taking the kid to get an eyebrow wax or teaching her to pluck it herself, or letting her remain au naturel and allowing her to be subjected to nasty comments and snickers.
It’s a shame that the world is the way it is, and we can’t just let kids be, but I never resented my mom for teaching me to shave my legs or how to apply makeup when I reached the proper age (several years older than 8, I grant you). Though I do know plenty of women who do.
April 18, 2008 at 8:49 pm
kemo
April- April- emily- & sarah : sorry my attempt at humor offended some. No offense was intended.
April 19, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Allison
Whew - you nailed this one, and I have to hope too that this generation of mani-pedi-preteens will rebel and embrace themselves at some point. On the other hand, I do believe in survival of the fittest and if some of the population wants to be distracted by shiny objects and the latest anti-aging fads, I can’t help taking some satisfaction in my improved chances during the hard times to come…